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Melissa Berman's avatar

As someone who received treatment for this 'diagnosis' before it was approved, I'd like to share my point of view. I had complicated grief. I had endured 5 significant losses in less than a year and was down for the count. This therapy saved my life - literally. It's a very specific protocol - and in fact, medication was contra indicated - as you can't medicate grief, it's a natural process.

I think the reaction to the terminology - which I completely agree with - may miss the point of this diagnosis becoming official. Because this was not an official diagnosis code, my insurance would not cover this therapy - making it an added struggle for me to find ways to afford it. Adding this to the DSM-V - is a way to make it easier for people to get the support they need. Putting the one year number on it allows the therapist to substantiate a diagnosis. It has nothing to do with the what you learn in the therapeutic process. Which is that grief never goes away, your feelings are totally normal. It's quite the contrary to a lot of the understandable backlash, The backlash is to the terminology - the therapy is aligned with all of the points you make. The therapy for prolonged grief is a way to honor and integrate your feelings so you can function. In no way does it ever tell you to get over anything or even move on. Quite the contrary. It honors the loss. It helps you work through the feelings, with the goal of being able to continue living with the loss - not forgetting the loss. I think sadly, the reaction here is to a diagnosis code, and not a very valuable method of support for people who really need it. The bigger picture of how our society deals with grief is a topic that desperately needs to be addressed. Thank goodness for platforms like this where people can find community and healing.

And for pro-longed grief being an official diagnosis so more people can get the professional support they need. As a final note: a friend of mine lost her sister last year -tragically to a murder. She is still in deep grief and her insurance would not cover this therapy - until now. This is a lifesaver for her.

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Alf Langan's avatar

We lost our 30 year old son to a sudden pulmonary embolism just over 3 years ago. I returned to work very quickly as a way to force myself to focus on something outside of my personal pain. The idea that grief is something to overcome or put behind us is absurd to anyone who is experiencing it. The only people I know of who hold those opinions are those who haven't suffered the kind of loss that my wife and I and others like us have experienced. They just don't get it. My response to them fluctuates between rage and attempted patience, depending on my mood at the time. The bottom line is that it is high time that all of us do our best to accept everyone else for who they are and where they are in their journey through this life. My personal feelings know no calendar: all they know is that my son isn't here.

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